to stand out if you wish and to hide my problems within.
I am fully aware that i am posting this on my business page for posts about my business content and other videos+ blog ideas.
I understand the consequences of this, since this is the only platform i post blogs i felt i needed to voice how i feel and to let others know \ give advice.
I have always suffered from depression and anxiety from a very young age.
My school did not want to know or help and i thought very alone for years battling trying to find my place in this world. To this day i still suffer and it has stopped me from achieving what i set out to do.
Now before i carry on i would like to first say sorry for my spelling and grammar. its not amazing and never will be. I also would like to point out for those who do comment and dont suffer with these issues to take the time to do research and to understand.
Across my travels i have come across a few people who point out and sometimes not in a nice way that i am just stupid, that i am lazy, i set myself out to fail and that i should grow some balls and suck it up.
Depression and aniextty work in so many different ways and form. what works for some people may not work for other. this can be because of a number of things for example their past, they may have other underling issues which on top of their current ones cause more problems.
Until you really get to know that person you can only offer the basic advice and try to talk to know to get the bottom or root of the issue.
At this start of 2016 I was lost, i had no idea what i wanted in life or how to take each other.
Many days i would just sit in my room all day barley doing anything. this really played on my state of mind, and body. Depression not only messes with your brain but your body.
You have lack of motivation, your body goes weak to the point walking downstairs to cook something to eat is a major task for you .
I got help from several people inc getting counselling.
I was told the wrong things on how to help me which again may work for others for e.g the way i was eating, getting out the house to do something even if its small.
I tried many of these things to only find it suppressed it for only a few hours. This was more damage as it was worth because i would get more upset,frustrated and depressed.
for many months i just wasted my life away. worrying on how others would treat me how i looked.
I started wearing jeans and shirts what i used to wear in college instead of wearing trackies and comfty clothes what made feel happy. WHY ? to feel a part of the community to look the part and to put on a outfit as such to push back the bad thoughts and think if i look nice then it will make feel good.
This again only helped a little bit but did not address the underling issue .
One morning i woke up and said enough is enough i need to get out and start socializing.
I researched and fount a website called meetup.com a place where you could go for meals, pub quizzes and much more with local people in groups .
I knew i would struggle because i dont like talking to new people, i get panic attacks, if its crowded i feel trapped . But i knew i couldnt keep living the same cycle.
Sadly after going to 3 meetings with the group i left and didnt want to be a part of it anymore but i couldnt handle being round others of that number.
so i went back to the drawing board,
with help from people they pointed in the direction of taking my skills and experience of making videos intro a business.
This sidetracked my issues and made focus on something i was very driven about.
as time past my issues kept coming and going.
I got new equipment for my start up as i was becoming a business person.
this helped me get out explore the countryside, to learn about the camera i had got and what it can do.
and from there things seem to only get better with turning my hobby into a great passion and i could see it going places.
i met a lot of businesses, networked and started to build a community where people accepted me and could see how hard i work and how much i was good at photography.
Although a lot of good things was happening i was still having days where despite going for long walks having a business look and being confident talking about my business to others. my issues where still keeping me from advancing my business.
there are days still where i wake up knowing i have videos to edit / photography. knowing what i need to know and how but not have the drive to do so, feeling depressed, lonely and other things.
I look at myself in the mirror and say this is not me.
Ok i may be confident when i wear this clothes, my life might be good and people treat me with more respect when i look the part but still this is not me.
I feel i must wear what i want, wear what makes you feel comfy not wanting to look smart because of fear of judgement again.
sadly because of my issues this has stopped me from starting up my business not because i dont know how to but because i dont have the heart to. some days i could run miles so to speak and achieve great things within the community. others i feel i want the day just to go so the next day might be better.
I am no expert on how to deal with these as i still suffer and always will, depression with other things is not something you can ever get rid off. it sits deep in your thoughts way back waiting for the right moment to string and target you.
My own advice i have took and would give to others which is to help not cure.
Find something you enjoy like a hobby, and no watching tv or hanging out with friends isnt one of them.
i mean something when your all alone its just you and the world.
maybe your a good drawer, or you can sew, paint, your good at sports, everyone is good at something, wether your troubled brain goes your stupid etc doesnt mean there isnt something that you can do and people like what you do.
This can help so much,
for me it has been tennis. when i am there i feel free because i am not thinking of bad thoughts but the rush of adrenaline through my body as i want to win and do well + have a laugh with others.
There is never a cure who what the society call wanting to be normal because normal is created to make people believe that you are 100 percent sane which is wrong. we all have issues some may not have shown just yet or you may not be aware of it.
there is no perfect being we are all humans and different at that.
You should always never being forced to do something you want to do,
ok it might help you but its doing is creating a path in your brain to store your thoughts until a bad day comes were its not a bad day its like hell because its been bulidng up inside for a long time .
I really do want to find people who may have these issues and help them.
as helping each other can only lead to better things.
Depsite everything i still try 100 percent to be happy to achieve to have dreams and goals that i will make true, my will is strong and i will keep pushing even if its takes 10 years more then i hoped.
Please feel free to comment on who you feel , your issues your solution's.
thank you for reading (:
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